(no subject)

Today, I am 25. I'm writing this from the 12th floor. We are not high enough above the ground the world is a postage stamp, nor are we low enough that people are cloying. I have a thing about heights. I like staring out windows. If there are trees and empty alleyways, as there are here, it's soothing.

As with all heights, I wonder, always, what it's like to fall. When I used to live on the 5th floor in Kuala Lumpur, I liked to go up to the top floor. There was a ladder and a hatch that led to a small space on the roof. People would go up there with beer. There were often cats in the stairwell, strays from the street. On the 12th floor in Bangkok, we have small balconies in two rooms. There are lots of places from which to fall.

Now that I'm here, I don't really want to leave. I think saying life is idyllic is pushing it, but I have room to breathe.

I have just learnt how to tie my hair into a bun. It's only taken me about 13 years since I learnt how to tie a messy ponytail. I have terrible looking good skills. At this point, friends will stage whisper. Let me tell you that they lie. Even if you are one of those friends, believing in my profound ugliness is one of the cornerstones of my personality. Masochism runs.

mokie's been saying I should quit whinging and come to terms with the idea that relaxing is good. The truth is that I haven't written much more than 400 words since three weeks ago. I desperately need to get my workshop plan and associated exercise material out of my head and onto paper. I feel like buying myself more birthday presents. This is greed. I don't think I can afford to buy myself more of much, especially not since I'm still in Bangkok. I don't get many shopping urges for clothes. I actually need some clips and hairpins -- I was looking for some in particular designs I saw in Kuala Lumpur, wood or silver, nothing fancy with rhinestones. The wooden hairpins would have a single string with a bead or a small decorative item. The silver clip I'm looking for is more of a typical Malay or Nyonya design, with filligree flora. I'm sort of looking for a decent vest-top. Nice (either black or white) long-sleeved tops with filligrees or embroidery. Cotton all-white hippie shirts. A pair of decent boots with good traction, no heels and lots of buckles. These are all pretty specific -- not surprisingly, I haven't seen them yet. When left alone for too long, I spend all my money buying specific CDs.

I should really be writing.

Doing That Lately

Name: Afifah Myra Muffaz

Alternatively: Afi, Hamp, Hampy, Hamper-chan, Hammie, Hamster-chan, Evil Hamster

Birth Date: 13/10/1981

Class: Writer/Delusional Hamster/Occasional Poet/Grudging Housepet

Blood Type: O+

Special Skills: Inability to hold a grudge, extreme lack of attention span, obsession with food, capacity to fall asleep anywhere, habitually self-hating, incurable workaholic

Status: Asocial and Hamsterless

Hobbies: Sitting in a corner and staring at walls, playing Spider Solitaire, listening to music, practising Chinese writing, thinking self-hating thoughts, writing occasionally

Constantly Whinging About: Not writing enough, never getting enough readers, death, being an inadequate person and being a lousy friend

Favourite Topics: Hamsters, Food, Tea, Religion, Evolutionary theory

Most Commonly Used Metaphor: The Wheel of Life

Friends Secretly Think: Hamp is a Goth

Hamp Secretly Thinks: Hamp shouldn't have lived past seven years old

This is Why Friends Secretly Think: Hamp is a Goth, and a Masochist Too

Favourite Music: The Yellow Monkey, Yoshii Kazuya

Favourite Ideology: Philosophical Atheism

This Christmas, Hamp would Like: A hamster, a glass tea set, Flowering Tea, Little Busters, Kyokutou ~I Love You~, Mona Lisa Overdrive, Experience Movie, Bunched Birth, The Night Snails & Plastic Boogie, the PV for Love Communication, copies of and the means to play ancient MegaTen on a PS2 or PC, including proper Japanese language ability.

Optional Wishes: The perfect psychiatrist, or access to soothing psychiatric medication (actually believes both are as imaginary as imaginary gods)

Next Year's Resolution: Become a famous author and get published by 26